As the sun rose above the horizon and the moon gradually
faded away, Thunder waited patiently, ready to finally make its way home.
As soon as my sister and I saw it we were amazed, it’s
dark-colored coat, as smooth as silk, and its gentle eyes reflecting the light as
if it were glass. It was now, we were here, and in a few more minutes it would
be ours.
Our eyes met for an instant and I could feel it was anxious;
not wanting to wait another second I jumped rapidly, “that one,” I said, as I
pointed to the corner of the box.
“It’s perfect,” my sister said, and it was. It was the most
beautiful ball of fur I had ever seen, its long, thin hears and small whiskers
suited his small, round figure perfectly, making it easy for it to jump from
place to place.
It was given to us in a small, blue box. It was timid at
first but once we got home and placed it in our garden it transformed. Our
bunny roamed freely, taking over garden spots like enormous territories from
the Savannah, and as its fear gradually faded away we were happy that Thunder
had finally come home.
I like how you didn't mention that Thunder is a bunny until the end. This pulls the reader in, as they realize that you're not talking about actual thunder. You begin to give clues of what Thunder looks like and creating a visual picture. You give precise details that make the story more interesting. I also liked how you used similes! I really liked Thunder! He's really cute!
ReplyDeleteI really liked this post because I love animals!!! Since I was little I admired bunnies and rabbits because of their little shape. They're like puffballs. I liked how you described the story of when you went to get it, how your eyes met and you knew that it was the one. I loved the entry you wrote about the horizon, it drags the reader in more.
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